Athlete humor

  1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
    "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

  2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
    "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.."

  3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say:
    "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl."
    Matt Millen of the Raiders said:
    "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

  4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
    "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."

  5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
    "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

  6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
    "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
    (Now that is beautiful)

  7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
    "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and,
    "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

  8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
    "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years,
    not Princeton..."

  9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
    "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

  10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
    "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

  11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
    "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.
    (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

  12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
    "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
    He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

  13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received
    four F's and one D:
    "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

  14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
    "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

  15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:
    "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye."