1. Blaming your farts on me.....
   not funny... not funny at all !!!
   

   Yelling at me for barking.
   I'M A FREAKIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
   

2. Taking me for a walk, then
   not letting me check stuff out.
   Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
   

3. Any trick that involves balancing
   food on my nose. Stop it!
   

4. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
   Now you know why we chew your stuff
   up when you're not home.
   

5. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
   You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what
   a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
   

6. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip",
   then acting surprised when I freak
   out every time we go back!
   

7. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches
   of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite
   mastered that handshake thing yet.
   

8. Dog sweaters. Hello???
   Haven't you noticed the fur?
   

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
   Look, we both know the truth.
   You're just jealous.
   

EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY.
A DOG ALWAYS OFFERS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
CATS HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!