Headlines

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter 
I called the SGV Tribune Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that
what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 
  Really? Ya think?  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers  
  Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------  

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over  
  What a guy!    
---------------------------------------------------------------   

Miners Refuse to Work after Death 
  Good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-so's! 
------------------------------------------------------  

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant  
  See if that works any better than a fair trial! 
  ---------------------------------------------------------- 

War Dims Hope for Peace  
  I can see where it might have that effect! 
 ---------------------------------------------------------------- 

 If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile 
  Ya think?! 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures  
  Who would have thought! 
 ---------------------------------------------------------------- 

Enfield (  London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide   
  They may be on to something! 
------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges  
  You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? 
  ---------------------------------------------------------- 

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge  
  He probably IS the battery charge! 
----------------------------------------------  

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group  
  Weren't they fat enough?! 
-----------------------------------------------   

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft  
  That's what he gets for eating those beans! 
 -------------------------------------------------  

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks  
  Do they taste like chicken?
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------  

 Local  High School  Dropouts Cut in Half  
  Chainsaw Massacre all over again! 
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------  

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors  
  Boy, are they tall!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  Did I read that right? 
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------